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Children

Things You Learn From Your Children

  • A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft house 4 inches deep.
  • A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  • If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
  • You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
  • A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  • The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  • Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
  • Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
  • Super glue is forever.
  • VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
  • Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
  • The Fire Department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  • It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  • Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  • 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.